Anybody But Hillary

The chattering class has been making much the past few days about polls showing a large number of Democratic voters will support McCain if their candidate of choice does not win the party's nomination.

I am one of those people. If Hillary Clinton is the nominee of the party, I will not be coming home. I will not return to the fold. I will not play party loyalist. I will not -- ever, under any circumstances -- vote for Hillary Clinton for U.S. President.

It took me a while to get to this point. I have been defending Hillary to friends and family ever since she made her controversial comments about Tammy Wynette on “60 Minutes” back in 1992. I applauded when her husband put in charge of health care. I cheered when she decried a “vast right-wing conspiracy.” I rooted for her when she ran for the U.S. Senate. When she decided to run for president, I felt warmth and admiration for her.

Granted, I had concerns. I worried that the right hated her so much. I fretted that independent, swing voters would never vote for her. And I still felt betrayed by her vote in favor of the war. But her early candidacy impressed me. She was tough. She was smart. And there was something about her that was inexplicably promising and exciting.

When I decided in early January, to support Obama, I genuinely agonized over my choice. I felt for a long time that either of them would make an excellent candidate and president. I felt that I was I was choosing not between the lesser of two evils, but between the better of two angels.

Even after announcing my support for Obama in an email to hundreds of friends, even after repeatedly donating money to Obama, even after voting early for Obama in the California primary, I felt positive toward Hillary. When she was been down and on the verge of out, I rooted for her. I almost gave her 50 bucks to help keep her going.

But again and again and yet again, she has made me regret those feelings. She, her husband, her pollster Penn, or her thuggish mouthpiece Wolfson have consistently done thing to disappoint or disgust me. They have gone low, played dirty, or been completely and shamelessly duplicitious. They seem willing -- even eager -- to destroy their party, dampen the enthusiasm of millions of new voters, and drag the country deep into political trench warfare. Given a choice to win dirty or win clean, I feel they would choose to win dirty -- not just for the sport of it, but because, on some level, they feel that is the tough, world-wise way of doing things.

The crocodile tears. The race-baiting. The plagiarism nonsense. The ridiculous denial that she ever voted for war. The virtual endorsement of McCain over Obama. The fear-mongering "3.a.m. phone call" ad. The "kitchen sink" strategy. The cult of victimhood. The incredulous, self-serving flip-flops on Michican and Florida. The surreal "Ministry of Truth"quality of the campaign conference calls. The smug sense of entitlement. I have nothing left for her but feelings of disappointment and contempt.

So, my fierce opposition to Clinton comes not from anything Obama, the press, or even the vast, right-wing anti-Hillary conspiracy says about her. It springs forcefully and directly from her and from her campaign. When I imagine voting for Obama in November, I am filled with a sense of pride, optimism, and, yes, hope. When I imagine voting for Clinton, I am heavy with resignation, cynicism, and a lack of self-respect. In short, Hillary makes me sick.

Many of my friends, fierce Democrats all, are aghast at my insistence that I will not vote for Clinton. "She is so much better than McCain," they insist.

I just don't buy it.

I have no doubt there will be a rhetorical difference between Clinton and McCain.They will fight over competing visions for how to handle the economy and conduct foreign policy. They will make the differences between their words and visions seem grand and stark -- and they may indeed be.

I am confident that Hillary will say enough of the right things during a general election campaign. My problem is I don't believe a damn thing she says. I don't believe she truly has a commitment to the working poor. I don't trust her to protect the environment. I can't imagine she will spend a penny of political capital for LGBT rights or immigration reform. And I don't believe for a second that she will bring our troops home for Iraq.

How can I? How can anyone? She signed a statement saying Michigan's primary should not count -- and then argues vehemently that the delegates must be seated. She claims she opposed NAFTA -- but her own records show she was a cheerleader for it. She claims to have ducked sniper fire in Tuzla -- but we all the saw the videotape. Even sleep-deprived, I would not trust anything she says.

McCain? Nader? Paul? Gravel? Bill the Cat?

Anybody but Hillary.